Y'all... He nearly bit my n.pple off. Seriously. He has my big horse teeth up top, and sharp little teeth on the bottom. He didn't do it on purpose. I had him in bed with us in the later wee hours of the morning...both of us were dosing. He was dosing while nursing though, and apparently forgot what he was doing and chomped down.
I screamed awake, grabbed my boob, woke Hotness up, and MySon was startled but went back to sleep (why can't he do that well when he's on his own?). As I was getting ready a little later that morning, there were quite the little teeth marks with dried blood.
Oof, it's easy to see why people wean sooner if they have a persistent biter.
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Our sleep woes continue. Up every hour last night*. I revisited the notion of letting him cry...I always do with nights like that. If he's going to wail in my arms, I might as well let him wail in his crib? (Though he usually still settles down in my arms, whereas the crib...not so much)
Is it normal for them to cry for like, 2 hours straight with no sign of stopping while training? I get all this resolve to let him learn to fall asleep on his own, and then he just stands in the corner of his crib wailing for forever. I've read some mama's mention that you have to just let them cry for as long as it takes...that it takes a few days to work itself out?
Part of me is trying to determine if, at 9 months old, my son should be napping on his own and sleeping through the night...and since he's not, if I'm going to cause him to have serious issues. Or maybe I'm just nervous about holidays with family and being pointed at and talked about because he still naps with me, and has been so very difficult in the night the last few months. I really suck at this whole parenting thing.
*I should mention we are on week 3 of my not nursing him every time he wakes up. I only nurse around 3am, and the other times I just hold him and rock him back to sleep.
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23 months this month. I'm perplexed by the holidays this year. I'm deliriously excited for Christmas with MySon. I loved Christmas...and then MyStar died. And I still love it really. But how to give MyStar her own special time for us to think about her and not just be all high on glitzed out lights with Santa shooting snow out his ass. How to create traditions that include her.
Speaking of traditions. I want to make our holiday stockings. I don't know whether to make one for MyStar or not. Part of me adamantly says absolutely. Another part says to not be the weird family who has a stocking for their dead daughter. I hate caring. I miss some of the raw intensity that made me not care in those early months...kinda fucked up to say. It made it easier for me to make decisions about how to include MyStar.
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Wishing everyone some moments of peace as the holidays are near.
Showing posts with label brain dump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brain dump. Show all posts
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Brain Dump
This is a bunch of miscellaneous thoughts really. Nothing cohesive or unified.
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Playdate family (old high school nemesis-turned-"friend", 3 year old girl, and 8 month old girl) are causing me to possibly rethink playdates. The mom is friendly and amiable. The 8 mo. old is considerably behind MySon's milestones, but I think she's just chill and laid back - All in her own time. But really the problem is the 3 year old. She is just mean. To MySon, to her mom, sister, and any friends that come over. The mom doesn't set boundaries and there are no consequences to hitting people or screaming at people or anything. The mom literally just says, "Oh stop it." and that's it. The girl sits on MySon, pushes him, and made him cry by screaming in his face*. Where am I? Trying to prevent her from doing all this, but I feel conflicted because I thought her mom would actually do something. Her response to 3 year old is, "I can't wait til MySon is old enough to hit back." Ummm...not on my agenda of things I'm teaching my son. I'm a bit side swiped by the realization that I have to parent around other parents or their lack of parenting (I'm a little slow I guess). My questions is this: How do I handle this without burning bridges and cutting ties with the only playdate option we have? I don't want MySon to learn to be mean because of this girl. I've thought about saying, "If you keep hitting MySon, we'll have to leave." The mom is the type that will be offended easily though. But my job is to raise and protect my son, so he comes first.
Have you dealt with similar scenarios? What did you do or say? I ask for your wisdom :)
*I've never had a 3 year old though, so maybe this is normal and just a phase?
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I've been asked to teach art to a group of kids...a family of 5 children from late elementary to early junior high. They are homeschooled, and their mom has seen my art and has some sort of absurd trust in my skills. Thing is, I do not have the gift of teaching. It's a paid thing though, and only as often or as little as I want. There's really not a lot of pressure in regards to perfection or curriculum even. I think it could be fun. I guess if it exposes them to different mediums and helps them be more creative thinkers, then it's worth it.
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Day of the Dead is around the corner. I want to dress up for halloween and paint my face like a sugar skull. DoD is my new favorite holiday...or close to it. I love Christmas the most, but it has mixed emotions for me since MyStar died so close to it. DoD is fresh and new and represents a chance to celebrate and remember her. We do swaps and there is an unabashed notion that it's okay to remember. Maybe that's silly. I don't know.
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I updated MyStar's grave this past weekend. Little baby pumpkins and new flowers.
----
MySon is growing so fast. It makes me sad. And delighted. We are dealing with terrible sleep, and separation anxiety. I feel needed. And smothered. Parenting after loss is such a dichotomy of joys and cursings. "He splashed in the tub...he's so cute, perfect and wonderful!"..."For the love of God play for 3 seconds by yourself so I can go to the bathroom." I complain on twi.tter or fb, but really, everything he does is something to celebrate...the hard stuff is endurable because he's alive and breathing. It always comes down to that.
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I got together with two BLM's this past week back in BigCity. It was so refreshing. They get me.
I got together with two shadow babies & their parents, born the same week MyStar was due. I breathed and watched them. Wondering. But I didn't cry. They touched me as they passed to get a toy, or patted MySon on the head. "What could have been" is there, but not the focal point.
----
So thankful for the recent project created for this community. Really beautiful and makes me feel like I can finally "meet" some of the brilliant women I've been following and connecting with these past two years.
----
Playdate family (old high school nemesis-turned-"friend", 3 year old girl, and 8 month old girl) are causing me to possibly rethink playdates. The mom is friendly and amiable. The 8 mo. old is considerably behind MySon's milestones, but I think she's just chill and laid back - All in her own time. But really the problem is the 3 year old. She is just mean. To MySon, to her mom, sister, and any friends that come over. The mom doesn't set boundaries and there are no consequences to hitting people or screaming at people or anything. The mom literally just says, "Oh stop it." and that's it. The girl sits on MySon, pushes him, and made him cry by screaming in his face*. Where am I? Trying to prevent her from doing all this, but I feel conflicted because I thought her mom would actually do something. Her response to 3 year old is, "I can't wait til MySon is old enough to hit back." Ummm...not on my agenda of things I'm teaching my son. I'm a bit side swiped by the realization that I have to parent around other parents or their lack of parenting (I'm a little slow I guess). My questions is this: How do I handle this without burning bridges and cutting ties with the only playdate option we have? I don't want MySon to learn to be mean because of this girl. I've thought about saying, "If you keep hitting MySon, we'll have to leave." The mom is the type that will be offended easily though. But my job is to raise and protect my son, so he comes first.
Have you dealt with similar scenarios? What did you do or say? I ask for your wisdom :)
*I've never had a 3 year old though, so maybe this is normal and just a phase?
----
I've been asked to teach art to a group of kids...a family of 5 children from late elementary to early junior high. They are homeschooled, and their mom has seen my art and has some sort of absurd trust in my skills. Thing is, I do not have the gift of teaching. It's a paid thing though, and only as often or as little as I want. There's really not a lot of pressure in regards to perfection or curriculum even. I think it could be fun. I guess if it exposes them to different mediums and helps them be more creative thinkers, then it's worth it.
----
Day of the Dead is around the corner. I want to dress up for halloween and paint my face like a sugar skull. DoD is my new favorite holiday...or close to it. I love Christmas the most, but it has mixed emotions for me since MyStar died so close to it. DoD is fresh and new and represents a chance to celebrate and remember her. We do swaps and there is an unabashed notion that it's okay to remember. Maybe that's silly. I don't know.
----
I updated MyStar's grave this past weekend. Little baby pumpkins and new flowers.
----
MySon is growing so fast. It makes me sad. And delighted. We are dealing with terrible sleep, and separation anxiety. I feel needed. And smothered. Parenting after loss is such a dichotomy of joys and cursings. "He splashed in the tub...he's so cute, perfect and wonderful!"..."For the love of God play for 3 seconds by yourself so I can go to the bathroom." I complain on twi.tter or fb, but really, everything he does is something to celebrate...the hard stuff is endurable because he's alive and breathing. It always comes down to that.
----
I got together with two BLM's this past week back in BigCity. It was so refreshing. They get me.
I got together with two shadow babies & their parents, born the same week MyStar was due. I breathed and watched them. Wondering. But I didn't cry. They touched me as they passed to get a toy, or patted MySon on the head. "What could have been" is there, but not the focal point.
----
So thankful for the recent project created for this community. Really beautiful and makes me feel like I can finally "meet" some of the brilliant women I've been following and connecting with these past two years.
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