Every essence of my being wants to say something profound and something worth producing a deep love from him. Every night I wish I had the words to fix it all. We finish watching whatever mindless sludge, and go lay in bed to sleep. Or we read a few pages in silence before turning the lights out.
We do talk in the dark. It's not all fluff. But it's nothing that ever fixes the deep hole we are still in.If I could just arrange my words just right. Or wear just the right thing. Or keep house perfectly clean.
I honestly think this at times. All of my own volition...never by anything he's said.
And it's not just mindless words in the right arrangement...I mean what I'm trying to say. I love him with every breath and pump of my broken heart. But I don't know how to fix anything.
I know he has a deep love for me too, somewhere in there. He just can't feel it, and neither can I.
Thinking of you during this very difficult time. For the first time in my life I have an idea of what you're going through and it's pure hell. I hope you can find a way out of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletexo
Sending strength, and wishing there was more I could do.
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